...and a Ladybird!
Just while writing the previous post, a friend asked me to stop over at her desk.. i did, like a zombie, and she gave me a ladybird she had painted on a walnut shell..
:) An Omen that?!
Chocolate and Black Coffee
Right now my mind is an entangled web of many choices.. no, it is an intersection of many highways and alleys, and my direction sense is at its worst..
I keep telling myself, these may be the best of times.. when I want to break free from status-quo.. when I can be brave enough to concede that my belief that this staus-quo is just right for me, is only a desperate illusion.. when ms.daredevil in me throws ms.humility to the backseat and grabs the wheels.. (and all this time i thought ms.daredevil did not come back with me from the delivery room..)
Went to the cafeteria and got a kit-kat and black coffee.. Thankfully, there was nothing else to choose from! For the records, kit-kat is TOO sweet (yeah..that must be another INDIfication thing..just like someone told me that Coke and Pepsi are made sweeter in India..Bah..)
for the love of 'people'
Lately I came across two women.. one who had a disabled child and dedicated her life in helping that child lead a normal life.. being in a develop'ing' country like India that is a challenge - manifold.
The other has founded a not-for-profit organization in India, to help the blind feel included, and to make public areas more accessible to disables..
We, the blessed, look at not-for-profit organizations and say 'great, they are doing a good work'.. make a one time donation - with effort, or with money..and move on with life.. after all disabilities happen to 'other people'...
What happens if suddenly one day I get disabled - something like blindness.. the only way I can lead an independent life is to relocate to a developed country - USA..UK.. No matter how patriotic I am or how much I love the smells and sounds and feels of India - no life here.. I cannot go outside by myself, I have to leave my job, I cannot read the latest bestseller, I cannot read the morning newspaper..
But in small corners in India, there are bunches of unknown volunteers, taking time out of their busy life fraught with its own problems and dedicating this time to me - so that I can read using braille, and I can cross the road without waiting for someone to help me, and I can continue my employment with specially designed computers...
This thought makes me realize how truly thankful we should be to these enthusiastic, brave people who thought about the 'others' and did something too..
Well.. just discovered this organization called Esha , it is strange that i get to know of it now, while i've known its founder for more than a year now.. If I could define this noble work, Esha is an organization that works towards an Indian tomorrow, where disabled Indians don't have just two choices - live a life of dependence in India or relocate outside (of course, those who can afford).. where Indians visiting overseas don't feel 'wow' at seeing braille in elevators, movie theaters and all major corporate communications.. because in that tomorrow, we have it all in India too..
Fills me with joy, hope and gratitude..
Finally..
Last weekend, I read a book (The Alchemist).. In the past one year, this was my first serious read that was not related to pregnancy or hospitals or PIH or childbirth or breastfeeding or child rearing or working-moms..
Living the complete life..
Maybe it is..
Being 30 and not wishing I were 16 again..
Being 45 and not wishing I could watch animations with my kids again..
Being 60 and not wishing I can make a difference to my salaried job, if only they give me one more year..
Being 75 and knowing that I won't miss any worldly love, material or life..
Because I have lived it all and lived it well..
(I hope this blog lives until I am 75, just to check.. :) This was inspired in the office cafeteria, catching a glimpse of the latest animation movie release... in those 3 minutes i was first filled with a joyous thought ke how much fun it will be to watch these animations with baby-of-mine when he grows into a pre-schooler.. immediately followed by an apprehension ke how nostalgic it will be when he is a teenager and won't want to watch these with us any more.. then came the knowing smile that we would also grow old enough and wise enough to take all these in our stride.. :) )
Where is the Indian entrepreneur?
Have you seen the indian tv commercial for a pension plan, where a small boy wants to jump into a lake but his mom says no.. he grows up and wants to quit his job, then thinks of his pregnant wife and changes his mind.. then after retirement, he finally goes back to the lake and jumps..
I keep reading about articles encouraging Indians to create jobs.. i.e., turn entrepreneur and start a company and give jobs to others.. We have a substantial population with high academic qualification, that has great ideas, networks well, works very hard.. but almost always takes a salaried job rather than starting their own business..
Why are we so different from the western world where the percentage of entrepreneurs is way higher..?
There are three things I can think of:
1. Middle class background.. Most of the educated young generation today hail from the middle class.. a section of society that always played it safe - to earn in the most secure way possible and invest the earnings in the most risk-averse way.. This getsalary-growsavings strategy had done well - the children have got a foreign education and are doing great, there's a glamorous lifestyle now. At this juncture, deviating from this strategy and the thought of diving into entrepreneurship, and possibility of losing this newfound lifestyle is quite scary..
2. Illusion of dependants.. We as Indians are brought up to financially support our kith and kin.. The ageing parents, the suffering relative, the yet-to-be married sister, the school going kid.. We just feel incomplete if it is just ourselves that we have to support financially! So, when we are on a salaried job with steady income, we feel that we make ours as well as others' life secure.. If we turn entrepreneur now, and there is no income until we reach break-even, it is not just us that will take a modest lifestyle, but also those dependants.. hmm.. what will they say.. they'd think we're so selfish.. that we shirked our responsibilities..
3. End-result obsession.. Everything we do is no good if the outcome is not first rank!! Our kids are no good if they don't hold first rank! The occasional gold-stars they get just doesn't matter! No one thanks someone for just participating - only the winner is profusely adulated and idolized..
So.. while I am at my salaried job.. today i am a team lead, tomorrow i'd be a project lead, after that i'd be practice lead.. Cool! People call me a lead all the way!! Now, if i start my own business, people will just not call me anything until i become a Tata, or an Ambani.. hmm...
We , the generation X, have to go a looong way to break out of this mentality.. until then, let's keep reading about entrepreneurship... :)
The new soul..
Random thoughts the little one brings in me...
1. His bright gummy smile first thing in the morning.. reminds me how i always wake up happy but then remember the day's toils which takes my smile away!
2. The happy staring at the ceiling and giving an acknowledging smile to the just-switched-on fan...reminds me of my once held belief - we can really love any one, only if we try..
3. My eyes fill up with tears so easily these days.. suddenly i feel everyone's sorrow more closely.. suddenly i know what really it is to miss a child.. suddenly i know how my sis used to feel while crying with the sita of the sunday ramayana serial..
4. They say that babies are closer to God, I believe that.. Now I believe that God sure has a halo behind him - the little one loves to stare at any source of light. Also, now I know that God wears glasses! :)
Life changed.. again..
This year january changed our lives forever.. brought a tiny human being that still has me thinking.. truly..why do we have kids..? because we get bored with ourselves..? because we forget what innocence is?! because our family wants us to? because the biological clock is ticking? because we owe it to the survival of species.? because it gives legitimacy to our relationship? because it makes us feel important? because we want to see what the cocktail of me and my best friend looks like..?
perhaps i still don't know cos the tiny one hasn't really started communicating.. his curious eyes look at us with the same intensity as they look at the wall.. he smiles at us as sweetly as he does to his mobile.. it'd be a long while, or perhaps never, when he'd say "ma i love you" and mean it too..
it was dusk..
Three of us - myself and two others were trekking.. to reach the highest peak in the area.. the hills and rocks were rough.. but covered with greenery and moss..no snow.. i was at the front.. came to the edge of a rock..it was adjacent to the next one.. going to the next one will lead us to the peak.. my hand could reach the next rock but absurdly my leg could not.. i looked down.. my palms and feet started sweating.. the gap between the two rocks went down to a deep chasm.. i could not think of crossing that gap.. it was dusk and the chasm looked darker..
the three of us stayed on..did not take the leap.. found a river flowing just behind our rock.. we sat at the edge looking to the river and cried uncontrollably..
i woke up with sweat on my palms and feet..
Help me..
help me not forget
the many days of care and love
the uncomplaining incessant hardwork
help me remember
the many times i have admired
the differences that
make the other unique and valuable..
help me not wish
that the other thought just like i think..
or liked the exact things i like..
or acted as perfect as i try to act..
or agreed with me on issues dear to me..
help me bring
all the days and moments together
so that i can see
the high mountain and deep valleys together
so that i can marvel the beautiful big picture
and feel blessed for being able
to see it..
3 decades..
By this month I have survived 3 decades on this planet.. So has the CPM government - in Writers' building..
All these years I have struggled, and still struggle with the fact that I am not proud of my home state.. kolkata..shibpur..saltlake.. all these places only evoke a sense of sorrow and pity in me.. Sorrow for the unemployed youth languishing on the sidewalks pretending to be intellectuals discussing the state politics... Pity for the government full of geriatric criminals that feels no guilt for making West Bengal rot away sticking only to its glorious past, like their own old bodies sticking on to the state throne for 30 long years..
The West Bengal of centuries back was way ahead of rest of India - it had elite culture and academics, true thought leaders, active workforce and an industry hub..
Today, when rest of India is zooming ahead, West Bengal is doing so in reverse gear.. There is the desperate stronghold on culture even though it is only limited to food, reprinting old novels and one ageing cricketer... Education institutes struggle to keep pace and trade is filled with uninspiring worker unions combined with an unsatiated hunger for industrialization..
As a child I remember frequenting live bangla theaters with revolving stage, based on intriguing stories and skilled dramatics.. have not heard of them for long.. and all that remains of the bangla cinema industry is poor copies of hindi movies..
Perhaps the only fresh thing that is happening are the music bands that are being created by the restless and rebel youth.. It is high time they sent the oldies in Writers' building to where they belong - Dakhineshwar..
After my dad's recent visit home when we had time to sit and chat about the political situation in West Bengal, I was curious to learn more about the Nandigram incident. Today after watching the news of violence in central Kolkata, I finally dug into the Nandigram articles.. two glaring lines made me write this blog: during the police operation to contain the resistance, the dumb public put "the women and children in the front to deter the police"!! and of course, the police promptly triggered away ".303 rifles that is known to pierce 7 people in a row"!! bhogobaan... whose side would one take! the senseless victims' or the choiceless attackers'..
Tagore can sing all he wants from his grave about 'bangla'ar maati bangla'ar jol..poorno hok'.... but as long as the 3 decade old govt. doesn't step down and give youngsters a chance, I don't see any reason for me to feel great for being a born Bangali..
Historical boo-boos...
School history books in Afghanistan vouch that Pakistan continues to be under British rule..
The Chief Minsiter of Jharkhand waxes eloquent that the first lady prime minister of India, who was assassinated, was called Sonia Gandhi..
Still on the RollerCoaster
Oct-17-2007
-- Sensex crashed to 17K thereabouts within a minute of trading! Market closed for an hour.. Reason being SEBI's announcement regd. controlling Participatory Notes. Closes above 18.5K
-- First day of Durga Puja - Shoshti. Bangla nostalgia pulls me big time this year, may not be able to answer the call.. Aashche bochhor..
Oct-16-2007
-- Sensex crossed 19K mark!
-- I am working from home - internet woes persist..
Smoke in the eyes..
This is an account of my first visit to the ZTC Foods Division in Bangalore - which led me down a very interesting bend of thought... The office is situated in a very green and lavishly spread out campus. Most of the buildings in the campus are 1 - 2 story high - a welcome change from the multistory mammoths in ITPL or other Bangalore campuses. Right on entering the office, I could detect a very faint tobacco smell.. I just told myself that the sniffdog in me has just got an imagination too, it's thinking that since this is ZTC, there would be a tobacco stench..come on! it's just the foods division, i should be smelling more of chips, biscuits etc.. :)
As the day went by every whiff of the airconditioner brought in a sure smell of tobacco.. now i could not resist and asked my ZTC peer am i imagining?! he said most probably not - we are allowed to smoke anywhere inside the premises.. i couldn't believe my ears and asked 'anywhere'?! he casually said yes, no smoke-free zone in this building!! someone had expressed their disagreement of this policy in an email and he was made to apologise for this expression!!
That sent my alarms ringing in several directions.. w
ould this affect TRG?! Should passion for one's profession/product be displayed in such mindless way?! Did the management of this organization get their degrees in 250BC?!
the first question was easily answered after i rang up my doc and he said it's fine for a short duration and as long as i get some fresh air now and then...
Passion for one's profession/product.... If I manufacture firearms, would I encourage shooting practice anywhere in my premises?!! If I print playboy magazines, would the strict dress-code in my office be a two-piece?! Is there no moral responsibility that ranks higher than the passion for your product/profession?!
250BC management in a 2000AD market! An employee had to apologise for expressing disagreement with the tobacco stench around him!! I hope the management of Waste Management company doesn't get inspired by the ZTC management.. ha ha!
Sep-19-2007
-- Sensex crossed 16K mark! My stock portfolio shows all green for the first time..
-- SAP announces Business by Design
India goes backward - thanks to SoniaDevi!
Year 2002: India's President - "Rocket Scientist"
Year 2007: India's (proposed) President - "College Queen"
Year 2002: Indian President's speech - "I have three visions for India..."
Year 2007: Indian (proposed) President's speech - "Daadiji ke shareer mein Baba aaye... "
Year 2002: Indian President wrote the book - India 2020
Year 2007: Indian (proposed) President will most possibly write: India 1010.
Soniaji JINDABAAD!
Answers to Questions I will ask in future
Answer 1: No, you are not capable of living away from home any more.
Answer 2: Yes, there definitely exists someone called Lady Luck.
Answer 3: Yes, you can be weird, awkward, loud, tongue-tied, cheated, impractical, emotional, hard-boiled, looser, confused, lost.....
You are alive.
Our deepest fear..
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
--Marianne Williamson, quoted in Akeelah and the Bee
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
